I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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