you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
