I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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