he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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