I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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