worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
