I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
