I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Randomize
