where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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