Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was confusing and full of hummus
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card