Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she smelled like a LAN party
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My ass is underappreciated
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
