She is in my trunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.