go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
