my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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