go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
