I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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