What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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