sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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