I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
