Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
