I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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