i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's the barista slut.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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