The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
