What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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