No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
