I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
