worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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