I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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