There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
