Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
