Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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