just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
