Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
