the condom got lost in my hair
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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