he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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