he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What a dumb baby whore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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