i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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