i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
