rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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