Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
