lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
