next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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