i was born a porn star she said
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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