I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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