I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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