I didn't shave. On purpose
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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