Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
