So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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