God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's intense
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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