3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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