She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
