you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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