tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
