Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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