I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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