trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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