I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
