dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
