Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize