An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
