***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
