i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
