So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
