its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
