He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
