Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
