I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am one with the molecules
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
