Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
