did you get engaged???
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
