did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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