Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I looked at my own cervix.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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