is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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