i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize