they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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