You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
