i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
